On Leaving

Chapter Ten.

Page 290 of 365.

On Leaving.


I'm 21 and never had a chance to move somewhere faraway.
I never had a chance of saying goodbye.
I never had a chance of leaving something behind.
So it's kinda hard for me to move on.

But now,
i have to.

And it's the hardest thing to do.
Almost impossible.
Because i always thought moving on means you forgot everything.

How can you forget someone who gives you so much to remember?

I'm trying.
And take that baby steps.

The first day i decided to leave everything behind was disastrous.
Everything, every small little thing reminds me of J.
And i felt stupid.

How can you miss something you never had?

My friend tell me to stop entertaining the memories.
I'm not.
It just happens.

Today is the second day.
I come to a realization that it's what best for us.

I have to learn to let go of everything in order to gain something better.

Was it easy?
Nope.
But i know this is what i have to do.
This is the consequence i have to bear.

I found a picture of J just now.
And when i look at it, i just thought:
There you go, J. 

No hurt feeling,
No longing feeling.
Just a used-to feeling.

I was scared that someday i'm going to forget about J.
I was scared that someday someone's going to be as valuable as J to me.
Now, i'm not so sure.
I feel like i can wait to find that somebody.

Well, i guess this is my first lesson about leaving.

You have to move somewhere in order to leave something behind.