Chapter One.
Page 11 of 365.
Safe.
Future is unsure.
And it always gives me nerve.
What will happen next?
Can i make it through?
I often regret what i did in the past
because i’m too scared of the consequences.
What if i can’t bear it?
What if it hurts me?
Thinking of what might come to me
sometimes brings me down.
I know i’m lacking in anything.
I know i’m not always good enough.
I look around and amazed.
How do they have a very smooth life?
I wish i could be like them.
Spend the days in smile, not worry.
Everytime i try to be brave,
i always find a way to convince myself that i’m not.
“Look at all the mess around you.
Look at your life.”
Even when i take the first step
and for a while, everything looks good.
A little storm will always come.
And turns my world upside down.
Sometimes i pray.
Sometimes i cry out for help.
Most of my prayers and wishes remain unanswered.
Most of them vanish in the dark.
I try not to give up.
I try to hold on and believe.
“This is temporary.
I have made this far, i will make it again this time.”
Still, i get disappointed sometimes.
Having faith means you let go the control of your life.
Having faith means put your trust in Him.
Having faith makes me look stupid most of the time.
And then i learn that it’s not my plan that will happen.
It’s His.
It’s not my will that will be done.
It’s His.
So be it unto me, Lord.
According to Your Words.
According to Your promises.
According to Your will.
I know you always get my back.
I’m safe now.
As always.