I'll Try

Chapter Seven.

Page 187 of 365.

I'll Try.


I'm not the best poet in the world.

But i'll try to make a poem, a good one.

Because of you.


I'm not the best singer in the world.

But i'll try to sing a song, a nice one.

Because of you.


I'm not the mightiest man in the world.

But i'll try to move a mountain, a big one.

Because of you.


I'm not the cutest guy in the world.

But i'll try to give you a smile, a sincere one.

Because of you.


I'm not the smartest kid in the world.

But i'll try to solve this heart question, a hard one.

Because of you.


I'm not what you want.

Neither what you need.

But i'll try.


I'll try hard.

My Prayer, Only You

Chapter Six.

Page 167 of 365.

My Prayer, Only You.


For every moment like this,

i'm thanking God for you.

For every laughter you give me,

And for every tear of joy.


For every moment like this,

i know that you're special.

For every moment that we have shared,

And the ones that we're going to make.


I'm so grateful that i have you.

I'm so grateful that you love me.

From the bottom of my heart i sing for you,

My prayer for you, only you.


I know that life isn't fair at all.

And i know that i might be down.

But you will always have that something for me,

Your faithful prayer for me, for me.

Okay, Now What?

Chapter Five.

Page 149 of 365.

Okay, Now What?


You're waiting for your whole life for this moment.

You're working your ass off to be in this position.

All the hard work, all the sweat, and all the tear.

You finally got what you're longing for.


...


Okay, now what?


Well, it doesn't feel like it.

It doesn't feel like what you thought it would feel.

Umm, okay, this is weird.


Now you are already at the top of the world.

Being a winner.

Wearing the victor's crown.

An undefeatable champion.

So, now what?


Hey, you're supposed to know that it's all alone at  the top.

But, enjoy the solitude!

Isn't it what you're always praying for?


...


Okay, now what?

Blank Pages

Chapter Five.

Page 147 of 365.

Blank Pages.


There are blank pages scattered all around the floor.

They are not going to be filled with the sweet words, like they used to.

A sweet temptation over a sinful delight.


There are blank pages scattered all around the floor.

They are wasted, just like the times we had spent on us.

A rubbish on a trash can.


There are blank pages scattered all around the floor.

They are empty and plain white, just like the way they should be.

A purity lies on a  fake feeling.


There are blank pages scarttered all around the floor.

Just as much as the blank pages on my memories of you.

Moving on, moving on.

Yes and No

Chapter Five.

Page 142 of 365.

Yes and No.


Time goes by.

So slowly.


Only for those who wait, you say.


But, am i waiting for something?


Yes and No.


Yes, because i'm kind of wanting that something would happen.

No, because i really don't know what to expect.


You only scared to be hurt, you say.


Am i really scared to be hurt?


Yes and No.


Yes, because it's naturally a human being instinct to be safe.

No, because.. I mean, look at me, wanting you all this time. Nothing will hurt me more.


You are confusing dreams with love, you say.


Am i confusing myself?


Yes and No.


Yes, because somehow now i realize that you're right.

No, because i know that they're not just dreams.


So, basically you're just in love. With me.


Yes.

It's 5:18 and I'm Late!

Chapter Five.

Page 133 of 365.

5:18.


What time is it?

I'm late!


This is not what i have planned since midnight.

When it's 5:18, i shouldn't still be here in my room.

I should have been gone to the real world,

Working out my ass off like others.


I'm late!


How could i be so lazy?

Others have started their day earlier than me.

This is not right and i have to punish myself for being so lazy.

But not now, because i'm running out of time!


I'm late!


Okay, but where do i go from here?

Another stupidity.

I should have figured it out since midnight.

Look at them, who run surely to somewhere without any doubts about where they are heading.

Why can i be so stupid?


I'm late!


It's already 5:18 and i'm late!

I'm still late.

And i still don't know where i'm going.

I don't have any time to figure it out.

I'm already late!

Puzzled: Calypso's Song.

Chapter Five.

Page 126 of 365.

Puzzled: Calypso's Song.


What's right, what's wrong?

What's good, what's bad?

What's white, what's black?


If being with you is wrong, then i don't wanna be right.

If having you around is bad, then i don't want no good.

If our love is painted black, i will hate white for the rest of my life.


But, i'm not really sure of it.


You are worth fighting for but i don't want to hurt anyone.

You are a beautiful view to my heart but i can't stand seeing you hurt like this.

We make a great couple but you will be greater without me.


I can't help it, i'm addicted to you, my temporary bliss.


I will do anything for you.

I'm throwing away my faith just to call you mine.

I'm betraying God just to hold you close.


But i know it couldn't be like this.


I was designed to be alone.

It was my curse to feel hurt.

I deserve this pain somehow.


But, for once in my life, i claim my happiness before them.

But, is this right?


Screw them, i don't care what's right.

I only care about you.

A Secret I Could Never Tell.

Chapter Five.

Page 121 of 365.

A Secret I Could Never Tell.


Life is a mystery.

That's what makes it fun.

Everyday has its own chances to surprise you.

It's up to you, either we want to enjoy it or be discouraged because of its uncertainty.


We all have our own secrets.

The ones that we share it with our best friends.

The ones that we keep it even from our best friends.

And the ones that we keep even from ourselves.


It's fun to have secrets.

You have something to torture you in the middle of the night.

You have something to worry about.

You have something to make you slowly goes insane.

It's fun, isn't it?

Isn't it?


Yeah, sometimes we come to a point where you feel like you have fed up of everything.

And you want to spill out your secrets to the world.

Because you're tired, because you can't hold it any longer.

Because you want them just to understand you.

But it's just impossible.


There's no way everyone could understand you.

There's no way everyone just tap you on the shoulder and accept you for who you are.

People judge, people talk, and people hate.

It isn't unfair.

It's just life.


We have to fake a smile and just pretend that everything is okay.

Because the truth is no one is okay.


So, what's your secret?

Imagining You

Chapter Four.

Page 113 of 365.

Imagining You.


Am i crazy?

They said, crazy people are the ones who imagine things when there's actually nothing there.

So, am i crazy?


I know you're there.

So, please, answer me.


Am i crazy?

They said, crazy means doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result.

But, i'm not crazy, aren't i?


Please, this time only.

Answer me, i know you're listening.


I know you're there.

I know you are the one who wake me up everyday.

The one that watch me silently through the night.

The one who soothe me up when i catch a nightmare.

The one who cheer me up when i'm down.

The one who are listening to every word that i say but yet just stand there silently.


I know you care.

I know you still do.

Remember when things were in colors?

When every sound is a love song and every taste is sweet?


I know i'm not crazy because i know you're there.

So, please, talk to me like we used to.

And tell me that i'm not imagining you.

Unfaithfully, Yours.

Chapter Four.

Page 109 of 365.

Unfaithfully, Yours.


...

Umm, yes, where were we?

Oh, yes, you were talking about your new bag.

Oh, new bags.

Yes, it is interesting.

...


Those eyes.

Those smile.

They should not attract me.

Well, it is not attracting.

It's tempting me.


Ah, yes, dear.

Oh, okay.

Yes, you have to tell me more after you go to toilet.


"You're bored."

It's not a question, it's a statement.

You're like a mind reader, you know.

A cute mind reader.


"Is it obvious?"

"There is no guy could stand this kind of conversation."

"Unfortunately, she didn't aware of that."

"Oh, you must love her so much, you listen her patiently."


No, i'm not listening to her.

I'm mesmerized by you.

...

How do you define love?

Is it a feeling that grows over time?

Or a butterfly-in-the-stomach feeling at the first sight?

Is it only for a special person?

Or you can love two people at the same time?

I don't know.

What i know now is,

i love you.

And her.

Whenever i see her smile, i'm happy.

As happy as when i hear your laughter.

Whenever i hold her hand, i'm happy.

As happy as when i hold your hand behind her.

Are we wrong for being happy?

Do we always have to be right to be happy?

Do we choose whom we get to love? 

Isn't love is a grace, something we don't deserve to have but we receive it anyway?

She may be holding my hand but you are holding my heart.

Writer's note:

This post is inspired by a song made by a talented guy named Gregory Sukamto and sang beautifully by Chassya Andryska. Listen here.

A Fine Friday Evening With You.

Chapter Four.

Page 105 of 365.

A Fine Friday Evening With You.


You.

An obsession of mine.

A personification of perfection.

A reminder, for me, that there is still impossiblity in this world.


Are we friends?

Well, i'm not sure.

We knew each other, for sure.

And you smile back whenever i smile to you.


That smile.

That can light up my whole week.

That brings up a hope for me.

And for the same time, a tragedy.


And it happened.

I don't know how.

I don't know why.

It just happened.


We're going out.

Together.

You and me.


It's like a dream that comes true.

Sweet.


Laughters over laughters,

we told stories.

Time over time,

i stole glances.

And you smiled back at me.

And i was just so happy i couldn't breathe.


That one fine Friday evening,

i officially fell in love.


But the decision has to be made.

Should i choose my own happiness over the right thing?


Because I'm happy to be with you.

Are you happy to be with me?

The Last Drop of The Memories.

Chapter Three.

Page 74 of 365.

The Last Drop of The Memories.


It's been a while since i spent my days being a stupid guy.

Entertaining all the sweetness in the memories i have.

Just for the sake of old times.

Just for nothing.


Now, i finally do realize.


It's not because i can't.

It's not because it's hard.

It's not because it's sweet.

It's simply because i just don't want to.


I'm grateful for what we have been through.

I'm grateful for what we almost shared.

I'm grateful for all the possibilities.

But, i'm not gonna spend the rest of my life stuck in the past.


I'm trying.

I'm trying to stop looking back.

I'm trying to start to looking forward.

Seeing new chances.

Finding new hopes.

Making new memories.

Being  a new me.


You will always be my favorite chapter in my book of life.

You will always be the answer for my duet.

You will always be my zing.


But, i know now, that you will always be just a part of my past.

The one who taught me so much to be who i am today.

The one who gave me so much smile on my face.

The one who made my heart beat fast everytime i see your name on the phone.

The one that, unfortunately, got away.


Yeah, it's hard to forget about it since you gave me so much to remember.

But i'm taking the first step.

And i'm dropping the last memory of you here.


Goodbye.
:)

Happily Ever After 2.0.

Chapter Three.

Page 69 of 365.

Happily Ever After 2.0.


And Cinderella went to the Prince Charming's castle to live happily ever after.

And the kiss from Belle saved the Prince. And they lived happily ever after.

And Jasmine went on the magical carpet with Alladin to live happily ever after.


I love stories.

I do love them.

I'm just skeptic about their ending.

They always end with the happily-ever-after thing, where the sun sets in the background and the couple kiss each other.


Why?


I mean, come on.

Happily ever after doesn't have to mean you get what you want.


For me, being happy is a matter of choice.

If you can not be happy single, you can not be happy as a couple.

You don't need a Prince Charming or a Cinderella to make you happy.


Let's see what they've made us into nowadays.

Everyone is desperately searching for their happily-ever-after and being single is like being cursed by the witch.

Hello, you're only in your late teenage year.

Shouldn't you experience life more?

Shouldn't you get to know yourself first?

Shouldn't you get to know what you want in a boyfriend before you search for one?


Yeah, i know, being in love is such a wonderful feeling.

But, what you feel is just a crush.

Being in love is not a condition/

Being in love is a choice.

A choice to be faithful with just one person for the rest of your life.

Even our grandpa and grandma will agree, being in love is tiring.

It's not cute lovey-dovey season.

It's hard.


I'm not saying you all have to go register to the Celibacy Club now.

I'm just telling you the truth.


Happily ever after is not about love.

Happily ever after is about you.

It's about you live your life to the fullest.

It's about you being the best version of you.

It's about you doing the things you love.


And when you've done all that things, you'll realize..

Your Prince Charming maybe just right around the corner. ;)

Tears Patter

Chapter Three.

Page 68 of 365.

Tears Patter.

For anyone who try to send away their love to someone who just gone away,

hey, this one's for you, guys.

Here, i stand alone.

Smile.

And pretending you are here.


Far, you are too far.

Wave.

And tell me everything's okay.


The tears patter, the only explanation of this longing feeling.

The tears patter, painfully starting this song for you.

No matter how much i beg, you were already gone.

And leaving with this tears patter.


Hard, this is too hard.

Cry.

I just can cry every night.



The tears patter, the only thing left from your sweet memories.

The tears patter, tell me how much i miss you.

No matter how much i beg, you were already gone.

And leaving with this tears patter.

Pass, this too shall pass.

Hope.

Hoping the tears will run dry.

Dear, J.

Chapter Three.

Page 67 of 365.

Dear, J.


Dear, J.

Hello.

How are you?

I'm OK, not good but OK. Busy with stuffs as usual but i make time to write you this.


So, how's life?

Are you doing good?

Well, i know you are going to be great as usual. Busy with having fun with your job and making food-photos on your Instagram and all. Maybe you even won't have any time to check out this letter.


Even if you read it, you are going to be mad, maybe.

You're going to be mad because nothing is important in this letter. I remember you were mad at me for texting you when we got nothing to talk about. Hahaha. I wrote it just because.. Yeah, just because.


I have a cold. Not a big deal. I almost can hear you say: "Stop being such a baby.". Hahaha, yeah maybe i should stop being such a baby.

Eh..

I think i saw you again two weeks ago. At that Japanese casual dining. You were.. with someone. So i guess everything went pretty well for you. I'm happy with you!

Really, i'm happy seeing you being happy. I'm happy seeing you smile. I'm even happy when i remember you.


So..

I'm just wishing you good luck. For you and him.


Ok, bye, J.


I.

PS: Sorry because the letter is having so much watermark. I swear it's not tears.

Pause

Chapter Three.

Page 65 of 365.

Pause.

But me, I’m not giving up. I’m sticking around to see what God will do. I’m waiting for God to make things right. I’m counting on God to listen to me. -Micah 7:7 (The Message).

Life is not a smooth trip. It's a bumpy journey.

Everyday has its own problems, bigger than yesterday's.

You always try to keep up but sometimes you lose the rhythm.

Then you break down and cry.

When you're on your lowest, look up to The Highest.

Our hands down means God's hand is up for us.

Our weakest time is just a time for God to do His part.

Look back.

His hands are never too late to pick you up.

Look around.

You are more than just blessed. You are favored.

Look up.

And say your gratitude.

Our mistakes don't define who we are.

Neither do our victory.

God's love do.

Whenever you fall, stop.

Stop figuring out the answer by yourself.

Stop pushing yourself to solve all problems.

Start to bend your knees and say thanks.

It's time for God to work.

It's time for you to pause and enjoy the miracles.

Blessings!

I Remember

Chapter Two.

Page 38 of 365.

I Remember.


I remember it.

It was a fine Friday afternoon and i was on a trip to somewhere.

I don't know how on earth i get the courage to say hello to you at that time.

But i'm happy i did.


I remember it.

The ticklingish feeling on my stomach the days after.

Everytime we talked about random stuffs, about anything, it felt like i finally found a friend.

The real one who understands me, the real one who doesn't judge.


I remember it.

How i was getting nervous as time goes by.

The happy smile turned into a shy blush whenever we talked.

I was happy. Way too happy.


I remember it.

How i was starting to be out of line.

Slowly, you changed because you said i was the one who changed first.

I hated, and still hate, myself for it.


I remember it.

It was a fine Friday afternoon and i was on a trip to somewhere.

I don't know how on earth i could make you so angry at that time.

And i really regret it.


I remember it.

The way i should have forgotten about it.

Mom, Thanks.

Chapter Two.

Page 34 of 365.

MOM = My Outstanding Motivator.


Everyone loves their mom.

And i really love mine.


My mom is the most beautiful woman in the world.

Her face always stops me from lying.

It's impossible not to tell the truth to that lively stare.

Her smile always reminds me of all the possibilities of what i could become.

It's impossible to give up when i see that smile.


My mom is the strongest person in the world.

Never been a day spent with a complaint from her mouth.

No matter how tired she is, she always makes time to ask how my day was.

Never been a day spent with a pain on her face.

And even when it's not, she tells me everything is okay.


My mom is the most faithful person ever lived.

A daily devotion is what always starts her day.

Even when she's running late, she knows her prioritize.

A prayer for me is what she always whispers every night.

Even when i hurt her, she always remembers me in her prayer.


My mom is the cleverest person ever existed.

She knows whenever i'm down or just feeling blue.

And she knows what is the best way to cheer me up.

She always knows what to do.

She just does.


My mom..

Means everything to me.


I know i made mistakes.

I know i hurt you.

But i know, too,

no matter what happens

that you will always be my greatest supporter.


No, mom.

You are always gonna be my greatest motivator.

To be what i want to be.

To get what i always want to get.

To make you proud of me.

To put a smile on your face.


For everything,

thanks, Mom.

Uncertainty.

Chapter Two.

Page 33 of 365.

Uncertainty.


Where you are now,

is the safest place to be.

You can't  go back to the past,

it has gone.

And you're just too afraid about the future,

the uncertainty gets your nerve.


Uncertainty,

is the only thing that is certain in life.


Standing still doesn't make things go better.

Actually, it has its own risk.

You may thing that you're in the status quo.

But your surroundings are not.

The uncertainty is just as sure as the sun sets in west.


You want to take the first step.

But you're just too scared.

You can't see the whole staircase.

It's too dark to see where it'll end.

So, you're just standing there.


Uncertainty is your best friend.

Get used to it.

Life always has its own way to spice things up.

When you think you're in control,

in a blink of an eye, you're not.


The only thing that is certain in life is uncertainty, remember?


So, the only way to win is to fight back.

Surprise life before it hits you.

Give it what it never thought it would received from you.

The winner in life is the one who has the ability to surprise life more than it surprises him.


You can be more uncertain than life while keeping your feet on the ground.

Be contemporary but don't compromise with your value.

Tolerate people but don't tolerate wrong values.

Forgive mistakes but learn from them.

Move on and start giving life surprises by being uncertain.

It's fun.

New Friend Request

Chapter Two.

Page 32 of 365.

New Friend Request.


Hello, there.

How are you?

I'm good, too.

Hey, you know what? I've been seeing you for a while now.

And i think that you're amazing and kind and just funny.


You always look so lively.

You always bring some laughter to others.

You are a good listener, i saw your friends often came to you and asking for a pep talk.

Instead of giving one, you was just being there and i saw that it helped them more than a pep talk.


You also are very talented.

I heard you sing and your voice was just amazing.

Put on some extra confidence there, i know you can do it.

And your poems and writings are just honest and witty.

Oh, and you keep on maintaining a 3,65 GPA so far?

That's a talent.


I always want to be your friend.

Not because you're good, but because you are just you.

You have weaknesses but you aren't ashamed of them.

I wish you could be more confident of yourself.

I wish you could stop hearing what the haters say.

Haters gonna hate, though.


Someday, maybe we could have a time to just hang out together and talk.

About anything.

About life.

About love.

About your wishes and dreams.

It would be great to share all my secrets with you.


So, i write this to make you realize that there will always be one who cares for you.

When your company disappoints you, when others make you feel bad.

Come to me and we could always talk as a friend.


Sincerely,

Your new friend.

Yourself.