Before I Fall In Love

Chapter Eight.

Page 236 of 365.

Before I Fall In Love


My heart says we've got something real
Can I trust the way I feel?
'cause my heart's been fooled before.

No, you are not my first, just like i'm not yours.

I can't be so sure about us.

I've been hurt and i don't want to be hurt again.

Am I just seeing what I want to see?
Or, is it true, could you really be someone to have and hold
with all my heart and soul?
I need to know, before I fall in love.

People tell me that i'm delusional,

that i don't see things the way they are.

Instead, i see things the way i want them to be.

But..

i think you are what i want you to be.

Can you convince me?

Someone who'll stay around 
through all my up's and down's
Please tell me now, before I fall in love.

A relationship is not a moment.

It's not an event.

It's a journey.

Would you go with me?

No, i mean,

would you stay with me?

I'm at the point of no return,
so afraid of getting burned, 
but I wanna take a chance.

Yes, i really do.

I want to give you chances.

I don't want anyone else.

Why?

I don't know either.

Do we need a reason to fall in love?

Oh, please give me a reason to believe.

Just one reason would be enough for me.

Or is it too much to ask from you?

Say, you're the one, that you'll always be someone to have and hold
with all my heart and soul.
I need to know, before I fall in love.

Because the truth is,

i'm scared.

I'm scared of the thought of losing you,

the thought of not having you around,

the thought of seeing you happy with someone else.

Someone who'll stay around
through all my up's and down's.
Please tell me now, before I fall in love.

Because i know,

we are not meant to be.

So, i need you tell me that you will

stand beside me when we're fighting the whole world together.

It's been so hard for me to give my heart away,
but I would give my everything
just to hear you say..

Everything.

I will voluntarily catch a grenade for you.

I will give you my everything.

I've fallen from the heaven and they won't take me back.

I exchange heaven for a chance of being with you.

I don't always be good.

I just want to be happy,

i just want to be with you.

"Someone to have and hold
with all my heart and soul."

So..

Please, tell me before i fall in love.

Wait..

It's a little bit too late.

I always loved you from the beginning.

:)

DISCLAIMER:

I don't own the lyrics of Before I Fall In Love on the left side.

I only made the poem on the right side.

Untukmu, J

Chapter Eight.

Page 221 of 365.

Untukmu, J.


Untukmu, J.

Halo, J..

Apa kabar?

Pasti baik, kan? Tadi aku lihat kamu bersama seorang teman pergi berdua.

Ya, aku harap dia hanya seorang teman.

Memikirkan bahwa sudah ada orang lain yang memilikimu tidak bisa diterima pikiranku.

Jika ada formula ‘yang harusnya memilikimu’ pastilah jawabannya adalah ‘aku’.

Sudah lama kita tidak mengobrol..

Bahkan, aku ragu kita pernah mengobrol sebelumnya.

Maksudku, mengobrol tentang kita.

Bukan tentang temanmu.

Bukan tentang temanku.

Bukan tentang pekerjaanmu.

Bukan tentang studiku.

Tapi tentang kita.

Tentang harapan.

Tentang cinta.

Aku tahu.

Mungkin ini salah.

Mungkin memang benar jika kita berdua bukanlah pasangan yang sepadan.

Tapi kadang aku bertanya, siapakah yang menentukan batas baik dan benar?

Bukankah jika kita berdua merasa bahwa ini adalah hal yang baik, itu adalah hal yang baik?

Kenapa harus dengar apa kata orang?

Kenapa harus dengar apa kata dunia?

Aku menulis surat ini bukan sebagai surat cinta yang merayu – rayu agar aku bisa kembali mendekatimu.

Aku menulis surat ini karena aku merasa kehilangan.

Aku merasa kehilangan seorang teman baik.

Bukannya berlagak munafik.

Ya, mungkin rasa itu masih ada sampai saat ini.

Tapi yang lebih aku butuhkan saat ini adalah teman.

Seorang teman yang mengerti aku, yang mengerti apa yang aku hadapi, dan yang tidak menghakimi.

Seorang teman seperti kamu yang dahulu.

Aku sudah hampir bisa mendengar suaramu yang menyerukan nada – nada sinis agar aku berhenti menjadi seorang bayi dan mulai menghadapi hidup.

“Kamu bisa bertahan hidup sebelum bertemu aku. Kenapa harus tidak bisa melanjutkan hidup lagi tanpaku?”

Kenapa?

Aku juga belum menemukan jawabnya sampai saat ini.

Mungkin aku harus lebih giat lagi mencari jawabannya.

Baiklah,

aku harap kamu sehat selalu dan bahagia.

Dengannya, tanpaku

Dari, I.

PS: Maaf jika kertasnya basah, aku bersumpah ini bukan tetes air mata.

A Secret I Could Never Tell.

Chapter Five.

Page 121 of 365.

A Secret I Could Never Tell.


Life is a mystery.

That's what makes it fun.

Everyday has its own chances to surprise you.

It's up to you, either we want to enjoy it or be discouraged because of its uncertainty.


We all have our own secrets.

The ones that we share it with our best friends.

The ones that we keep it even from our best friends.

And the ones that we keep even from ourselves.


It's fun to have secrets.

You have something to torture you in the middle of the night.

You have something to worry about.

You have something to make you slowly goes insane.

It's fun, isn't it?

Isn't it?


Yeah, sometimes we come to a point where you feel like you have fed up of everything.

And you want to spill out your secrets to the world.

Because you're tired, because you can't hold it any longer.

Because you want them just to understand you.

But it's just impossible.


There's no way everyone could understand you.

There's no way everyone just tap you on the shoulder and accept you for who you are.

People judge, people talk, and people hate.

It isn't unfair.

It's just life.


We have to fake a smile and just pretend that everything is okay.

Because the truth is no one is okay.


So, what's your secret?

Dear, J.

Chapter Three.

Page 67 of 365.

Dear, J.


Dear, J.

Hello.

How are you?

I'm OK, not good but OK. Busy with stuffs as usual but i make time to write you this.


So, how's life?

Are you doing good?

Well, i know you are going to be great as usual. Busy with having fun with your job and making food-photos on your Instagram and all. Maybe you even won't have any time to check out this letter.


Even if you read it, you are going to be mad, maybe.

You're going to be mad because nothing is important in this letter. I remember you were mad at me for texting you when we got nothing to talk about. Hahaha. I wrote it just because.. Yeah, just because.


I have a cold. Not a big deal. I almost can hear you say: "Stop being such a baby.". Hahaha, yeah maybe i should stop being such a baby.

Eh..

I think i saw you again two weeks ago. At that Japanese casual dining. You were.. with someone. So i guess everything went pretty well for you. I'm happy with you!

Really, i'm happy seeing you being happy. I'm happy seeing you smile. I'm even happy when i remember you.


So..

I'm just wishing you good luck. For you and him.


Ok, bye, J.


I.

PS: Sorry because the letter is having so much watermark. I swear it's not tears.