On Trust Issue

Chapter Eleven.

Page 326 of 365.

On Trust Issue.


Segampang apa kalian percaya sama keluarga kalian?
Segampang apa kalian percaya sama temen - temen kalian?
Segampang apa kalian percaya sama orang lain?

Segampang apa kalian percaya sama diri kalian sendiri?

Buat gue, jawabannya adalah susah.
Ya, susah untuk percaya sama diri sendiri, apalagi orang lain.

Mungkin ini emang sifat bawaan gue dari lahir.
Mungkin juga ini hasil dari akumulasi pengalaman gue dikecewakan oleh orang lain.
Yang bikin keselnya adalah gue orang yang seringkali butuh pendapat orang lain saat mempertimbangkan sesuatu.

But i'm not really sure whether they are telling the truth or just their opinion.
But i keep on insisting to hear it.
Though i know that it's not always necessary.

Masalahnya ada di diri gue sendiri.
Ketidakpercayaan gue sama diri gue sendiri membuat gue hampir selalu meragukan setiap keputusan yang udah gue buat.
Hal ini membuat gue butuh pendapat orang lain.
Tapi gue juga hampir selalu gak percaya pendapat orang lain.
Terutama yang pendapatnya gak sesuai sama pemikiran gue.
Yang membuat gue berpikir sendiri tapi gue juga gak terlalu percaya sama pendapat gue sendiri.

Dan siklus ini berlanjut terus bak lingkaran setan.
(Gue gak tau siapa penemu frase lingkaran setan. Gue cuma mikir aja kenapa harus ngambil lingkarannya si setan bukan lingkarannya Budi.)

Untuk hal - hal tertentu sebenernya gampang.
Kalau pendapat gue dan opini orang lain sama, biasanya gue akan langsung setuju aja.
Yang rada ribet kalau beda nih.

Bukan tentang benar atau salah.
Cuma tentang suka atau enggak.

Gue suka satu aktivitas tertentu yang gak melanggar Perintah Tuhan ataupun Undang - Undang Dasar ataupun merugikan harkat hidup orang banyak.
Tapi hampir semua orang yang gue hormati gak memberikan opini positif ketika gue tanya.
Mereka gak kasih opini negatif juga sih.
Mereka cuma jawab, "Oke."

Padahal kalian berharap mereka akan jawab sesuatu yang lebih panjang dan bermakna jelas selain sebuah oke.
Rasanya pengen kasih mereka bunga.
Bunganya dilempar.
Sama potnya juga.
Dari lantai 15.
Sama Ade Rai.

Sesuatu yang gue anggap penting ternyata gak begitu penting buat mereka.

Gue:
Gue mau jadi penyanyi dangdut ah.

Orang lain (yang mereka omongin):
Oke.

Orang lain (yang gue tangkep dan gue hampir yakin 100% ini sebenernya maksud mereka):
Oke, lu fix udah gila. Jangankan nyanyi, napas aja sumbang. Jangankan suruh joged, lu bedain kiri kanan aja gak bisa. Sana kembali nulis puisi - puisi galau aja.


Oke, ini ilustrasi aja. Gue gak berencana mengubah karir keartisan gue jadi penyanyi dangdut tapi kalau ada agensi yang berminat, bisa hubungin gue di email gue..

Anyway.

Yah gitu deh maksud gue.

Kadang apa yang lu yakinin gak sesuai sama pendapat orang. Karena yang penting bukan pendapat orang. Bukan juga pendapat lu sendiri.

Yang penting adalah apa pendapat Tuhan tentang elu karena Dia tau kalian luar dalem dan masih terima kalian apa adanya.

Siapa yang berani kaya begitu?

Gue rasa orang tua gue juga gak segitunya. Kalau gue ada salah, mereka pasti kecewa tapi mereka terima gue apa adanya.

Tapi Tuhan enggak. Kalau gue ada salah, Dia terima gue apa adanya karena identitas gue bukan ditentukan sama apa yang gue perbuat. Identitas gue ditentukan sama apa kata Dia tentang gue. Dan yang gue tau, Dia bilang gue adalah anak kesayangannya.

So i choose to trust Him.

Kalau di waktu lain kalian ragu - ragu, kalian takut, kalian bingung harus percaya sama siapa, gue sih saranin percaya sama Tuhan aja. Jangan sama diri sendiri, jangan sama orang lain, itu namanya musyrik.

Semoga tulisan ini jadi berkat buat kalian.

On Breaking Through Hard Times

Chapter Nine.

Page 244 of 365.

On Breaking Through Hard Times.

It’s a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from God.

It’s a good thing when you’re young to stick it out through the hard times.

When life is heavy and hard to take,

go off by yourself. Enter the silence.

Bow in prayer. Don’t ask questions:

Wait for hope to appear.

Don’t run from trouble. Take it full-face.

The “worst” is never the worst.

Why? Because the Master won’t ever walk out and fail to return.

If He works severely, He also works tenderly.

His stockpiles of loyal love are immense.

He takes no pleasure in making life hard,

in throwing roadblocks in the way.

-Lamentations 3: 27 - 33 (The Message).

Hard times.

They say, hard times make you stronger.

All i know is, hard times make me weary.
And bored.

Yes, the amount of hard times in my life is too damn high,
i even get bored with problems.

It's like my pheromone attracts problems instead of Jessica Jung of SNSD.

When i was a kid, i thought that being a 'grown-up Christian' is being free from problems, living happily ever after, and so on.
It's wrong.

Being a grown-up Christian means you're being responsible.
It means you're being hopeful.
It means you're relying on God.
It means total surrender to Him.
It means having more and bigger problems.

This passage on Lamentations bitch-slaps me.

Being hopeful is a good thing.
Going through hard times when you're young is a good thing.

I can hear you automatically responded, "Yeah, right. Suffering is a good thing."

I don't want to explain you why dealing with problems is good for us.
One thing i know: comfort is not the sign of growth.
Our first day of gym is not a beautiful memory but still we come for the second, third, and so on.
Why?
Because we focus on the result, and not the temporary pain.

Why don't we try to see problems the same way?

This passage even gives us practical things to do when you're going through a hard time:
1. Bow in prayer.
2. Don't ask questions - Yes, this is include the Why-do-i-have-to-go-through-this-and-my-friends-don't.
3. Wait for hope to appear. - Being actively waiting for hope, that means you don't procrastinate and waiting for miracles.
4. Don't run from trouble, take it full face.

Why?

Because our God is not a God of failure.

He is The God of victory.

He takes no delight in people's problems.

He has no pleasure in making life hard.

That's what we often miss.

We often say, "This trouble is from God. It's for my own good. I have to endure it."

NO!

I don't believe God sends us troubles to make us stronger.

Our problems are from our own mistake.
It's the fruit of sin.
And we have to be responsible of them.

And the good news is,
you never left alone.

You have God!
And that's more than enough.

(This note comes from 21 year old guy who is going through his hard times at the moment. Not with the love stuff, but with the real life stuff: family, finance, study, job, faith, and forgiveness. If he can still be hopeful, why can't you?)

I'll leave you here with one of my favorites' quote about hope:

You will live secure and full of hope; God will protect you and give you rest. -Job 11:18 (GNT).