The Last Thought About You

The light burns me but the darkness scares me.

White refuses me but black runs from me.

Truth hurts me but lie doesn’t comfort me.

The past abuses me but the future creeps me.

Silent makes me cry but noise doesn’t give me joy.

Dream deceives me but reality arrests me.

Love kills me but hate doesn’t match me.

I’m never really sure about what should i feel.

About you.

About me.

About us.

Sometimes, i wish we never met.

Sometimes, i’m grateful for our meetings.

Most of the times, i’m just confused.

For making you don’t feel the way i do, it’s my mistake.

For loving you more than you do to me, it’s my mistake.

For thinking you are mine, it’s my mistake.

For falling in love with you, it’s my mistake.

Sorry.

Sorry for always bothering you.

Sorry for always hoping we could start over new.

Sorry for stuck on while you have moved on.

Sorry for imagining things that never happened.

Too much hopes spend on us.

Too much times wasted for us.

Too much lies made up for us.

Too much love i had for you.

It’s almost two years.

That almost two years, never a day spent without thinking of you.

I know i’m stupid when it comes to love.

I know i’m stupid when it comes to you.

For the last time, let me say my gratitude for you.

Thank you.

Thank you for once talked to me.

Thank you for once gave me laughter.

Thank you for hurting me.

Thank you just for being you.

Thank you.

Welcome, New Beginning!

 It’s the last day of 2012, year where some good laughter have been made and some painful tears have been wiped away. No matter how sweet or painful it was, it’s time to say goodbye to 2012 and get ready for 2013.

Get ready to start over new.

I always kind of liking new year. For me, new year means a brand new start. We should forget what happened in the last year and make a new notes starting the new year. New year means new start for me and i always symbolize it with buying an organizer. Though most of them ran out of paper in the first quarter of the year because i took so many notes in it, new organizer gives me new hope. It tells me that i can start over eveything. It tells me that future is bright, once again.

I made so many good memories in 2012.

I got my first job at Louis Vuitton that only lasted a week because my part time schedule didn’t match me too well.

I got new friends at the new class where i was elected as the President.

I got new friends at my DATE Apartemen Semanggi 2, my cool second home.

I had new niece at Christmas’ Eve.

I took COL class at my church and it changed my life direction.

I met cool and awesome new mentors.

I didn’t get what i want at all this year and i’m sad but i’m alive.

Looking back on 2012, i’m grateful that God didn’t and never leave my side. I’ve been through some tough conditions where i thought, at that time, God didn’t love me that much but life only can be understood backwards.

I’m grateful and thankful for what has happened in 2012. I apologize for everything i did wrong, intentionally and unintentionally. I guess i’m ready for 2013 now.

Welcome, new beginning.

Dogs, Ana, and Mia: A Thought on Fears

Fears.

Everyone, i guess, has their own fears. Fear of dogs, fear of deaths, fear of speaking in front of people, fear of being left behind, fear of spider, fear of heights, fear of being obese, fear of being skinny, and so on. It may sound silly for some others but for the one who has the fear, it’s practically logical to be feared of it.

I’m not a fearless man. I have my own fears. Dogs, for instance. Bring to me even the most cutest puppy in the world and i can turn into a stone statue in a second, not being able to move at all. I entertained some people, most of them are my relatives and families, with my fear of dogs. I suddenly lost my mind when i meet those four legs furry animal.

Another story about fears, i have a friend whose fear is gaining weight. The funniest part is this friend is a guy. I thought this anorexia thing only happen to girls but i was wrong. Even he admitted that he was with anorexia and bulimia, he called them ana and mia. LOL. At first, his fear is okay to me. I mean, we have our own fears and he haven’t seen me react with dogs so i don’t want to judge his fears about weight gaining. He’s in a great shape, actually. Well, he was chubby but i never thought it would lead him into ana and mia.  He worked out like a mad man and eat normally but as soon as he reached home, he hurled himself to calm himself down. It happened for almost three years. Now, i can proudly announced that my friend finally broke up with ana and mia.

Sometimes, i thought fear is a good thing. Fears make us to do something we can not do in sane condition. I run faster to avoid dogs. My friend worked out like a ninja to avoid weight gaining. Somehow, it motivates us to break the limit to make ourselves in the comfort zone.

But, still, fears have negative impacts too. On the polar opposites of the advantage which is breaking the limit for us, it also limits us to go further in life. When my friend and his ana and mia are in a relationship, i saw him suffered a lot. Not physically, but mentally. He was a cheerful guy around us but inside, i know, that he was too concious about his physical appearance. A joke about his looks would he took as an offensive comment.

I know it’s so damn hard to fight our own fears. I still can not tolerate dogs, no matter how had i try. I mean, i watched Hachiko and try to picture every dog just as good as Hachiko but it didn’t work. It takes time but the key is you’re trying.

Well, that’s all for tonight, people.

Cheers.

The Ballad of the Happiest Boy in The World

One day, there was a boy who loved to sit alone at the corner.

He was shy, very shy.

He caught up in his own world, made by his creative imagination.

He was happy.

He were a pirate once.

He went to the darkest cave and found a land full of dinosaur.

He searched for the treasure, guarded by the dragons.

He was happy.

Then, came a friend to his corner one day.

This friend introduced our little boy to a new world,

A world where the adventure was more intense and way cooler.

He was happier.

Together, they spent their days in awe.

More and more, our little boy felt different feelings towards his friend.

Stronger than ever, he felt that they are more than just friends.

He was the happiest boy in the world.

Until one day, his friend didn’t come again to his corner.

He was left alone like he used to be.

But our little boy just patiently waited for his friend.

He was happy waiting for his friend.

He was happy.

“You know what’s wrong with that guy?”

“He’s been like that for years. He is imagining things.”

Silly Simple Feeling

Have you ever been wondering what makes two people could be in love with each other?

What does it take to get the feelings requited?

How to make the feelings last for long?


They said, it takes two to tango and to love.

No matter what you feel, if he doesn't feel the same way like you do,

It's not love. It's just a stupid feelings.


Sometimes, it's easier to keep the feelings inside

than have to face the consequences of expressing it.

It's not fair but i guess it's just the way life rolls.


You can not love them secretly.

Maybe the best thing you could hope is that

Faith is gonna make it up for you two.


But feeling, sometimes, has its own expiration date.

This is the best part because you can tell

Whether it is love or just a simple crush.


So close yet still so far to the happy ever after.

They say, it just takes a simple three words to get there.

If only you could say those words.


Silly.